


Jealous of Dreams

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-18
Updated: 2009-01-18
Packaged: 2019-01-23 13:45:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12508764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: [Fic Exchange '08] Everyone understands why Petunia was jealous of Lily — because who would take Hogwarts over Little Whinging? Well, Petunia, for a start. Their positions never could have been reversed; for Lily, nothing but the stars would do. But that doesn't mean there wasn't still plenty to resent.





	Jealous of Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

 

Merry Christmas, Kerstin (oxymoron)!

.

 

_Life is more real..._

Lily laughed that Petunia had no imagination, wouldn't play games with her, thought Let's-Pretend was foolish bordering on dangerous. "You're not that much older than me, Pet," she'd say. But then, she would get to keep her fantasies. They were real. Growing up, Petunia wouldn't have to say goodbye to everything she had loved about being small and forgiven for dreaming.

Lily laughed at Petunia's blind hatred of things out-of-the-ordinary, how she found deviations from the norm a personal affront, how she refused to associate with anyone odd. "You're so boring, Pet!" But sometimes Severus Snape and his stories scared Lily – and it was all so foreign. Dementors and prisons and the shadow of prejudice. Petunia was never disappointed by her dreams. They were always precisely what she expected them to be.

Lily smirked at Petunia when she came home from Hogwarts "trailing frog spawn" out of her pockets, and her sister turned her nose up at what she didn't understand. "It's like you never listen at all, Pet!" But then, Petunia had never heard the word Mudblood. She was privileged, as Lily could have been. She would never know that kind of hate or the kind of man who could destroy her so creatively because of their parents. Petunia had never found darkness and evil at the center of her childhood dream.

Lily laughed and laughed to be at Hogwarts while her sister was stuck at home sulking. But sometimes, in the dark of night, Lily Evans (and later Lily Potter) was so jealous she could hardly breathe of Petunia Dursley, safe and warm in her small house in Surrey, who would never have to worry about which of her friends was next to die. Both girls got their dreams. Petunia's hadn't been a lie.

_...But the dream is more true._

Petunia felt cheated. When your life settled into its inevitable pieces – after the sacrifices of motherhood and marriage, after the disappointments of failed dreams, after the harsh world of reality was properly introduced – you were supposed to be able to blame it on something. This wasn't your dream. A wistful sigh; Petunia had seen Lily give it many times. This life was only bad because there was something better once.

Petunia felt robbed. What was she supposed to blame it on when she was bone-tired and frustrated and sick of her life? She couldn't even drift off to sleep, where all her dreams were real. She was living them. All her dreams had come true. What could she blame it on if they were stifling and awful on occasion? She had everything she wanted – what could she blame her sigh on?

Petunia felt deceived. All that she had dreamt of as a child was in her hands, and it was just life. A house she constantly struggled to maintain, a bawling son, a husband who barely listened with all the steam pouring out of his ears...she did not even have an escape, a fantasy. This had always been her fantasy.

Except, of course, for Lily's. Being like Lily. And not even Hogwarts and frog spawn, in the end, but the ability to dream. To have ever dreamt. To have even once pretended to live in a world that was better than this. But Petunia Dursley had everything – _everything_ – that she had ever wanted. It was almost punishment enough.


End file.
